HURT PEOPLE HURT

 The other day i went to visit my cousin at her matrimonial home and something caught my attention. There was this woman from the neighbouring house who kept on shouting to her two children calling them all manners of words. It resulted to a deep concentration on what could be wrong with the children and  this led to scrutinising of the mind back to my upbringing period.

There used to be a lot of authoritative parenting,high expectations ,whooping was non stop and one way communication. Though it never occurred to me personally, trust me 90 % of today's parents are witnesses of what happened during their growing period.

This state was a norm that parents passed across their children who later did  the same to their siblings and the cycle continued and still does to those who have refused to change their style of bringing up their kids simply because it is a tradition and culture from their whereabouts. Parents  were so strict on their children basing the following main claims; they want their children to have a better opportunity than they did,they want to toughen their children up ,it is a cultural norm to be strict,mothers became frustrated on their marriage i.e pressure from their husbands, in -laws where they could not express their feeling and so the only way to eliminate their inner anger was through their children. This mostly resulted from a couple which did not have strong relationship,  poor mode of communication , being in a marriage on rock  and many more.

Well,there are things that most parents did not know they exposed to  their children when  bringing them up using this style ;children were exasperated and left them chaffing at the authority, most children,now adults struggle to express their emotions , inability to handle the tiniest bit of confrontation or criticism and it shows,wants to please everyone while having an inability ,not able to talk things out to their parents due to the merciless whooping they received as a method  of disciplinary and mostly people are so detached emotionally, in denial or maybe just unaware of the trauma they claim they turned OK.

There are things that today's parents experienced when they were growing up with African parents ; Parents speak to them like they are still children .Yes,both when you are 18 years old and when you are 45 years old.Parents never spoke to most of us about sex. You could not freely express your opinions about anything to your parents and adult relatives if those opinions go against the African societal grain. Parents thought they could diagnose every physical ailment you had .They could even provide treatment for you,you remember those  boiled roots and leaves that they named "herbal" and painkillers always placed in a certain tin for every sickness ??haha.

Some of the advice and suggestions given to you are expected to be treated as directives.Most parents never say sorry when they were wrong and the list continues. 

I believe today's parents realised that some of the styles are unworthy and have decided to change the norm even not all but at least for better and rhyming with the changing world today. It is the duty of every parent to bring their children in the right manner for the rise of upright, courageous generation who can and will be able to overcome every challenge and weakness that may come on their way to success. If you are a parent or aspiring to be ; learn a two .

Reference and Citations: Africa;  the gospel coalition organisation (Why are African parents so strict .)